I’ve been convicted by the way I spend my time. For those of you that don’t know, conviction is an inner upset or feeling of guilt. Most of the time, the word is used in its other meaning, pertaining to laws and courts and judges, but in this form, it is an inner judge. Sometimes those feelings of mine are prompted by love (God), other times those feelings are prompted by self-hate (Satan). And I wanted to share my revelation with you here in case you have felt the same way.
Last night, I attended my church’s monthly service that is easily the favorite of lots of members of our church. Every time my family and I go, there is tremendous blessing, reset, and relief. But getting us there is another story. I’ll just tell you the story of yesterday…
The day started with three different crews of workers on our property (still recovering from the Memorial Day tornado). I was blessed with the opportunity to volunteer in my son’s class, but that meant I had to get my other two cherubs up and out to Nani’s. Once there, we were late to school. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re fine. 🙂
After our short school day, I retrieved the other kiddos and headed out to our afternoon plans – lunch and taking the car to the shop. I’m gonna stop right there… I don’t believe that I am Wonder Woman, but sometimes I take on ridiculous things to prove to myself that I can and will handle it. Who takes three kids to the car dealer’s service shop lobby? Yep, that’d be me. The fun started before we ever got there.
When we stopped by the lunch place with a play area for the kids (perfect idea – wear the kids out, right?), my youngest, potty-trained-ish son decided that he would not let me know that he had to go. When I got him back to his seat to game plan clean up and new clothes, he started coughing so hard that other moms were packing up their stuff, getting ready to head out just from the sound of my little baby. Then he made himself puke up his just-eaten lunch. Luckily, God had sent me an angel, a friend that just so happened to meet up with me on a whim. She was able to help me tremendously! After cleaning up, changing back into p.j.s, and corralling the other two Metz babes, we had to get over to the car dealership.
Once there, my kids were well-behaved, given the circumstances. If you call well-behaved scavenging through the waiting area’s snack station multiple times, running into a sales lady’s office and doing dance moves, and making all of the sensible adults that decided to go solo to the car place shake their heads. It was fun.
We made it through, and the rest of our day carried on. I knew that we “should” go to church at 7, but when my husband called to let me know he was going to be home a little late, I started questioning if we should even try to make it. And for an hour, I decided we were just going to stay home. But I knew that we would be blessed by going. Have you ever been there? You know that something good will happen, but you go back and forth trying to talk yourself into something or out of something? It’s an annoying place for me. Jesus himself calls it “the evil place.” The Bible tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no (Matt. 5:37). I think that’s because when we are in between, it’s half-hearted. God wants our whole heart. That’s a much more peaceful place.
In a last-minute decision, I told the kids that we would eat a quick leftover dinner, make a to-go plate for daddy to eat on the way in the car and that was the final decision. That is exactly what happened. Praise Jesus! But the journey of getting to the final decision was filled with doubt and frustration. When we got there though…
It was amazing! The worship was so good. We took communion with our church. The message was outstanding. And I felt conviction… like God himself said, “You decide how you spend your time. If you are seeking Me first, I am not a wait-and-see decision in your life. You plan to meet with me. You don’t see how the rest of your day goes and then if it is convenient for you and your family, show up. No, you show up so that the rest of your life is in line with the truth and wisdom I want to share with you. Write me in your calendar first. Each day.”
Take what you want from that revelation. Maybe that resonates with you. Maybe you stopped reading a long time ago. But rest in this: God made you. He loves you. He wants you to seek Him first. No matter how your day goes.